If you’re looking for a new book, consider Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb.
To be completely honest, I’ve never been drawn to motivational/self-help books, so this was a surprisingly great read. I understand why people appreciate them, but personally, I always thought that they were a bit dull for my taste. I figured that if I was going to read something, I would rather it be a story about some faraway land or a critique of a post-apocalyptic society that vaguely resembled ours. To me, reading is more of an escape from life’s worries than a method of examining them. In fact, I had purposefully avoided the psychology sections of bookstores and libraries because I was entirely sure that nothing there would interest me— which is why it made no sense for me to pick up Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb.
I first found this book through a video I saw online that praised it as ‘one of the top ten books of the year.’ I had been looking for reading suggestions and felt that my recent fantasy selections were repetitive. What drew me into this book was the premise of it: a therapist experiences an event that changes the trajectory of her life so she starts attending therapy herself. This book, unlike other self-help books, came across as extremely genuine to me. Gottlieb is transparent with her audience about the way she feels (including her honest opinions of her patients) which makes her seem more like a friend telling you about her life than some omniscient therapy guru. She doesn’t claim to have all of the answers, nor does she put on a brave face for her audience, and she openly admits that she is wracked with anxiety and regret over the fact that she has lived almost half of her life by now yet barely gotten to experience the joys of motherhood. From Gottlieb’s perspective, we get to see how four of her patients, each with extremely complex and beautiful lives, deal with their struggles.
This unique writing strategy of interweaving stories from her own life with her patients’ keeps the reader on the edge of their seat. Just as a massive detail in one patient’s life is revealed, we are introduced to a memory from Gottlieb’s life that makes us see her in a new manner. These parallels between the patients and herself show how even authority figures who may seem to have life “figured out” still struggle themselves. For example, she had a plethora of career changes: first working on television sets, then finding her interest in medicine and studying at Stanford Medical School, then finally becoming a therapist. Having so many different perspectives helps her pull in knowledge to understand and provide care for her patients, care which she herself needs.
Gottlieb seeks therapy following an abrupt end to her relationship with her partner (whom she only refers to as ‘boyfriend.’) The casual manner in which he breaks up with her is shocking, but what she struggles with the most is his reason for leaving: despite being a father figure to Gottlieb’s son for years, he decided that he couldn’t handle the burden of children. Over the course of many sessions, she progresses through the five stages of grief and reflects on her past relationship.
Denial: The end of their relationship doesn’t feel real to her. She is convinced that he will call her at any moment with the realization that everything was a mistake and ask for her back.
Anger: Gottlieb berates ‘boyfriend’ in her therapy sessions, attacking him for being inconsiderate and his treatment of her. This stage seems to last the longest, and she occasionally relapses into anger.
Bargaining: Sometime after the breakup, she calls him and demands a better explanation for his actions (and takes notes to share with her therapist). However, bargaining only makes her angrier because no explanation will justify his actions.
Depression: Gottlieb experiences depression over her lost relationship, which her therapist suggests is part of a larger, more hidden feeling. Through their sessions, she discovers that her depression stems from a larger insecurity about not having enough time left in life for her to become a mother and pursue a family. ‘Boyfriend’ was part of this family, which is why the breakup triggered this reaction in her.
Acceptance: Finally, after much soul-searching, Gottlieb concluded that there was no reason to obsess about being behind in life when she could instead put her efforts into more productive things, such as being a mother, therapist, and writer.
After her final therapy session, she finally found peace in knowing that her fear of “running out of time” was all in her head. Gottlieb ends the novel by telling the reader to focus more on the present and less on the future and further elaborates that life continues to go on no matter what we do. This advice had a great impact on me because I could tell from her life experiences and progression through grief that she knows what these feelings are like. Her vulnerability with the reader transformed my perspective on mindfulness books, and I am excited to explore this genre further!
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb is available for checkout from the Mission Viejo Library. It can also be downloaded from Libby.
Mission Viejo Library Teen Voice 